THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! [cue "Europe"]

Here it is! The championship showdown to determine THE Worst Sci-Fi Movie of All Time!

Our two finalists are "SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS" vs. "HOWARD THE DUCK"

But before we get to the official results, I want to thank everyone for participating in this incredibly stupid, yet strangely compelling contest. Not one person asked to be taken off the mailing list, which I attributed to your great love of cinema and satire -- either that or the spam filters really have gotten better. Our initial fears that this event might cause a wave of self-inflicted wounds among the participants proved unfounded, and everyone toughed it out to the bitter bitter end.

I'd also like to thank the voter who wrote in with a minor correction about my Howard the Duck comments, saying he remembered going to a sci-fi convention in the mid-80s when they were promoting the snot out of HTD, and hearing someone official-like point out that the main part of Howard (the poor sap in the duck suit) was actually played by a diminutive 14-year-old girl. Wow ... that makes Lea Thompson's seduction of Howard all the more creepier.

... whoops! I've just been informed that we've had our first self-inflicted wound among the voters.

Now, about the voting -- although there were a good 60+ people invited to vote each week, actual tallies varied greatly, depending on the movie matchups and such. The smallest number of votes in a fight was 4, while the largest was about 20. For the final showdown, we had 10 people who sent in their votes, so the contest was a lot closer than I originally thought it would be.

Now, back to the Badness.

As for the two finalists ... well, what can you say about movies whose very titles warn you to stay away (other than "thank you," that is). Really, you don't NEED to go further than the titles to know THESE MOVIES SUCK. As far as comparing and contrasting Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Howard the Duck -- why bother? Okay, that's a cheap out. I WILL say that the makeup and music of Santa Claus makes Howard the Duck look and sound even better (and if that isn't damning with faint praise, I don't know what is.)

Santa Claus is famous for staring a very young Pia Zadora, but here I have to agree with the guys from MST3K who said "So What?" Seriously, *I* was on Romper Room for a whole week as a kid and no one gives a flying fudgesicle about that. I also agree with the other thing MST3K said about Santa Claus, which was: "This movie is a mess. Not a fun mess either, just horrible."

And so, without further ado, here is the final tally for MARCH BADNESS: The Contest to determine THE Worst Sci-Fi Movie of All Time.

Drumroll please!

We received:

1  VERY EMPHATIC write-in vote for "Star Wars Episodes I-III" by an extremely embittered George Lucas fan
4  Votes for "Howard the Duck"

and, with 5 votes, the once and future WORST SCI-FI MOVIE of All Time is:

"SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS" !!!!

*choke*  The horror .... the ... horror .......